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Saturday, February 14, 2009

"Deciphering Myself"...says Love.

As I sit down to write this today...I am in a deep quandary, you see I don't know who or what I am, I am facing this massive identity crisis if i may so call it... To be fair, I was always a little abstract when it came to definitions and explanations and it sort of even made me feel proud...I mean it is a definite ego booster that even the combined intelligence of all humankind which has unraveled many a mystery and deciphered many a puzzle could not definitely conclude as regards my entity.

But, they say, its always a double edged sword and how true they speak...while it's great to be undefinable by others but let me assure you, when such a lack of clarity faces you in the eye regarding your own self then it is really a bad bad time in the time lines of the world.

I sometimes calm myself by remembering that this identity crisis is actually someone else's bane to me, that am not the responsible authority in this regard...but even that fact comes to bite me back with a reckless ferocity...the fact that I am suffering because of someone else's misdoings, the fact that it is someone else's actions which has brought about this lack of knowledge in me about myself is more than enough to get the equivalent of blood for me rising.

It was not always like this...I was once a regaled entity...I had this illusion that i was a gift to mankind itself...their very reason of creation...their only excuse to forget all their worries and live happily for the moment...I was their source of strength in the face of a barrage of shortcomings...their Silmarillion in the darkest of darkness...how wrong I suppose I was.

I have been made a hateful and spiteful entity whose arrival is no more a celebration of life itself, rather an event which signifies the beginning of a quagmire of emotional hazards...where I supposed myself to be a gift, I have been a bane, a curse even!!!
For all my delusions of being a source of strength I have now been made a catalyst of weakness...the Silmarillion has been turned into a gloom of obscurity.

So you see my quandary...I know myself to be something else but I have now been made into something else...so much so that I now question myself whether what I believed myself to be was always a fantasy, a figment of my bloated imagination...do I really even exist or am I just a precursor to my forever powerful, all conquering nemesis...I would like to believe that it is not so...that I have an existence, that I am indeed the source of life, the fuel of life itself but I need some courage to believe in this fact, I need some encouragement from humanity, it is upto them now to give me a fresh lease of life, to save me from getting lost in the murkiness created by the cesspool of hate around us.

I am dependent on others again for my existence, its always been like this, I am nothing by myself but an illusion, it is upto others to give me a form, to carve a beautiful portrait out of me, to form a lilting melody out of me.

All I can say is, however pitch the darkness maybe, however strong is the force of hate, however grave the problem that stares you in the eye...always, always look within yourself, look in your heart, you will surely find me, a tiny entity I maybe just peeking out of a crevice but I will be there for sure...do give a look!!!

And for all those of you who maybe still wondering as to who I am...I am love!!!
What I am...it is for you to find out, I am what you make me out to be!!!

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37 eulogies: on ""Deciphering Myself"...says Love."

Charmed One! said...

I have no words.. really well written..
Until the end i was confused :) ..
Very well described about love there dude :) ....

mixedblessings89 said...

For someone called 'Comfortably Numb'... that's some representation... :D

I like it, it was well written.

Silmarillion... I always just thought it was the name of the book..

Happy St. Valentines!

comfortably numb said...

I do like 2 surprise ppl:D
Silmarillion...it means light I guess!!!
greetings to ya too

Akshaya Kamalnath said...

Ha ha ur so totally in love....yeah image revamp of the entire blog to boot...good going there and good ode to love...reminded me of ur blackboard post for some reason although they seem miles apart.

The Rat... said...

:-) Happy Valentine Saim...

Talk abt Identity Crisis... someone threw me this questin a month back "who ARE u? what's ur Purpose here?" i am still thinking..

comfortably numb said...

greetings to u too:)
who r u??? y, u r obviously the Rat:D
purpose here...to nibble @ u:D

The Rat... said...

@ CN.

ah it didnt strike me.. but my real time friends dont know this alter ego of me.. so they wont get it :(

Ramya said...

Love's way of saying, to each its own. This is beautiful.
First time here.


comfortably numb said...

sorry...ddnt see that.
now am waiting for some postings from ur side as well!!!
write soon.

Ria said...

Tht was a beautiful personification of love!!I never thought tht it was abt love all thruout. :)

Arunima said...

>>>a tiny entity I maybe just peeking out of...

If this is LOVE....its surely gr8

Nice post!!!

comfortably numb said...

hv been tagged with this one by sum1 else as well, will do!!! hopefully soon:)

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