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Saturday, May 31, 2008

Blackboard's tale

I am black in color and I am not ashamed of it. In fact, I am quite proud of it. I have always found black to be “beautiful”. It’s like serenity and style packaged into one. I have been stuck here all my existence. Ever since I have glanced upon this world, it’s been while being nailed up here. I quite like it here actually for most part of light but it’s really that time I enjoy the most when everything around me embraces my color. The world is such a peaceful and silent place @ that moment. I seem to be far, far away from the sounds of chitter and chatter which I have to endure during the day.

Talking of the day, as much I despise it, it actually is not such a bad time pass for me. Of course, it’s not peaceful as the night but it’s an interesting change. Yes, I do have to endure the biggest irritant in this world to me, those white colored half-sticks which I have hate-named as “obnoxious gnomes”. I call them irritant coz they are not worthy enough of being called an enemy but trust me when I say this, I hate them like hell. These gnomes seem to have a divine right to scratch my body and make ugly marks on my smooth exterior. Yes, they are temporary marks but still I hate to look ugly even for a moment. I take absolute pleasure in the fact that these sticks get decimated and lose their existence in the process of creating these marks on me which I think is nature’s revenge for me. But they seem to reproduce exponentially. As soon as one of these loses its existence and becomes white granules, another comes up to take its place. They are a disdainful lot who deserve the utmost contempt from my exalted existence. They have colored cousins too who are only different in color to them. When it comes to their ability of scarring me, they are just as willing.

Giving these gnomes very tough competition for the dishonor of being called the “biggest irritant” are those two-footed, clothed animals which keep me company during most part of the day. The only reason they get booted to the 2nd position is because of a great service they offer me of which I will give a detailed explanation later. These hypocrites talk of equality and liberty in my presence, of caste and color having no importance, yet they have so ungracefully named me after the color of my exterior…*racists, all of them*…Coming back to these two footed animals, they are divided into two classes namely….1) those who sit with their backs to me who I have named “Maam-sir” and 2) those who sit with their faces to me who I have named “Boydent n Girldent”.

The ones who sit with their backs to me seldom sit actually. Most of the time they are a willing partner-in-crime to those gnomes in scratching my body and in addition to this crime they keep touching me with those tentacles of theirs…*perverts*…. However, I allow them this only coz they unknowingly offer me the thing which I crave for most but as I said “I’ll come back to that later”.

The ones who sit with their faces to me are far greater in quantity and much more interesting qualitatively. Of them I despise those the most who keep staring @ me unblinking with those two circular sockets at the top of their structures….*voyeurs*…. While their number is thankfully less, the act is despicable @ the least. The others however are far more entertaining. Some of them are amusing to the very core. From making all sorts of funny faces to sticking out a slimy parabolic structure from their mouth, from hurling objects @ each other to sometimes sticking their middle tentacle in the direction of the Maam-sirs, they do it all. Of course, they do this mostly when the Maam-sirs are busy scratching me but that’s besides the point. Some of the boydents keep staring @ the girldents and vice-versa….not that am feeling jealous here but are they more beautiful than me??? Neither are they as black as me nor do they have half as smooth an exterior as I have, but probably they are happy with staring @ less beautiful stuff. 

One reason that I like Boydents and Girldents is coz they sometimes engage in a sort of a game which gives infinite pleasure to me. I have named this game “Gnome-hurl”. Basically, in this game, the boydents and girldents hurl the “gnome” all over taking target practice @ each other. Ohhh!!! I tell you, its pure ecstasy seeing that irritant get thrown about @ will. My joy is unbridled when the gnome gets broken from its midriff…*poetic justice*…the least that it deserves in my view.

Let me now tell you about that great service which the two-footed animal offers to me. Unknowingly, they act as the linkage between me and my beloved. They are the unassuming facilitators of my love story. They are the ones who make my meeting with my beloved possible. The gnomes scratch me, the animals grope me but it’s my beloved who removes the scars. The “Scratch-remover” is what I have love-named him. I exist just to feel its touch on myself. When it comes in contact with me, not only does it remove my scars and scratches, but it completes me. Its touch is smooth and pleasant yet at the same time electric. My nights are never complete without it’s longing invading my thoughts. I endure those marks on my body only because they are the precursor to my rendezvous with my beloved.

That, in a nutshell, is my story.

P.S....This blackboard has had the fortunate/unfortunate honour of being stuck in an engineering classroom....hence "the middle tentacle showing" part...no offence meant to classrooms in general.

Monday, May 26, 2008

BELIEVE all the way

It was approximately 3 in the morning of the 22nd of may,08 when Edwin Van Der Sar dived brilliantly to his right to save Nicholas Anelka’s spotkick to spark of wild celebrations world over from the Red Devil’s fans. It was a sight to behold, a moment to cherish for all of us who have learnt to “BELIEVE”. The antics of the united players on the field of the stadium was a doppelganger to the many scenes around the world in homes, pubs, lounges n even offices.

There were many emotions swirling around in those minutes just after the victory…euphoria, ecstasy, exultation, pride, relief, etc. But for me, it was a sense of payback….payback for all those 8 seasons of European disappointment. In an instant all those memories came back flooding….Diego Forlan’s effort hitting the crossbar late in the 2nd half against Bayer Leverkusen, the great Brazilian Ronaldo scoring that wonderful hattrick @ the “theatre of dreams”, thereby breaking our hearts, FC Porto’s Costinha’s almost last minute goal knocking us off, then inexperienced young guns Ronaldo n Rooney coming a cropper against Milan’s fortress of a defence n off course Kaka ravaging our hearts in the rain last year.

I still remember Nou Camp ’99 as vividly as yesterday. It was the 1st United game that I watched. I had a high running fever but was absolutely determined to see the game. So I switched on the idiot box n muted it. Following 90 minutes of disappointment, I was almost feeling let down but then in the space of two minutes , it all changed. Sheringham n Solskjaer scored, United snatched victory from the jaws of defeat n I was hooked on for life.

It was a night full of poetic justice. How apt it was then that final penalty was rammed home by Ryan Giggs *legend* , a player who has serviced all his life for one club giving a new name to loyalty. How apt also that the missed kick which brought doom to Chelsea FC was struck by Nicholas Anelka, a player who has had more transfers than the number of years his career has spanned, always on the lookout for more lucrative pastures without an iota of loyalty to the cause. How apt that Didier Drogba should pick this occasion to ladle heaps of scorn on himself, once again proving himself to be what we always knew he was.

How apt of course that it was this free flowing United side which won thereby tributing probably it’s greatest side(Busby Babes), not only in spirit but also in the manner of playing that they so cherished. Also, how relieving it was that for once the tears from Cristiano Ronaldo’s eyes were tears of joy n victory. Too often, he has had to endure the ignominy of defeat on the biggest stage.

How sweet a victory this was for Sir Alex Ferguson, who has been haunted by his side’s failure @ the European stage time and again. These are all questions which cannot be answered in words. You have to be a Manchester United fan to feel those answers within you.

Here’s a cheer to this sweet victory which may or may not herald an era of dominance for United on the European stage. However, what this victory has done is to provide all of us quenched fans a tonic of success. It has provided a moment for all of us which will be preserved forever in the annals of our mind. It has provided one more taste of glory which will linger for eternity and will keep coming back in the face of adversity. It’s a moment which will make us keep “BELIEVING”.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

dose glorious dayz

College was the place to be

Morning, evening n between

9:40 to 5:10

Life was a happy den

Pieces of memory, frozen in time

Endless pjs, dozen a dime

Peels of laughter, smatter of tears

Those calling each other dears

Mumbo jumbo n bakwaas

Eyeing up a pretty lass

Renditions of “summer of 69”

Wishing she said “love, u r mine”

Keeping Newton’s 3rd law in mind

Pranking was a heinous crime

Teachers giving angry glares

Students shooting back long stares

C++ and JavaScripts

Workshop n Graphics were pure shit

Projects, Vivas n Lab tests

Sems were an unwanted guest

Xams became a joyful ride

Coz Matrix was a friend and guide

Teachers blissfully drinking Sprite

Copying was just so right

Music, booze n dancing rounds

Fests were masti all nite long

Ragging was "oh-so-fun"

With freshers being "on the run"

Campussing built up lot of sweat

But placements were just as great

Laughing lips n misty eyes

Farewell was gloomy but nice

Newer pastures beckon us

But college life will remain such

P.S:- College life has just ended, this being my humble tribute to those days of my life...There will probably be many more, so watch this space!!!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

love, thy name is hilarity

“Love is a 4-letter word, it means nothing” is one of my more sarcasm laden retorts to "madly in love" souls n the "happily ever after" believers of this world. To be very honest, I am guilty of hypocrisy while uttering this but it just seems an oh-so-purrfect reply to the 21st century guys n gals who invariably believe in the bollywood inspired mumbo jumbo of “sacred bond” n “love begets sacrifice”.

A far more interesting and hilarious side topic of love today are “love–fights”. Bollywood songs have since decades engrained the concept of “roothna-mananaa” in our psyche. Unsurprisingly, all of us know the usual tricks of “mananaa” generally starting from a bouquet of artificial roses/a pack of “Celebrations” to accessories(preferably jewellery)/movie n dinner together. A sincere apology on the part of the guilty party may work (but it’s quite a rarity).

However, am much more interested in the “roothna” part of things coz its actually filled with a lot of ingenuity and make for some seriously rib tickling stuff. Bear in mind, of course, that I am not talking about the “why ddnt u pick up my call” or “you’re not taking out time for me these days” or “you seem to be very interested in the new boy/girl in college/workplace” type of bland and tasteless reasons. Rather, much more trivial n hilarious (the more the triviality, the better hilarity it causes) reasons are getting invented each passing day.

Below, I share some of the top of the chart reasons that I have had the fortune to come across…

N.B:- All of these are very much actual incidents and are in no way a figment of my sometimes quite vivid imagination...(tongue– in-cheek)

### A boy(very close friend of mine, mind you), fought with his (then present,now erstwhile) girlfriend on the phone coz she picked up his call on the fourth ring as opposed to the pre-determined limit of 2/3 rings... *beat that*

### A girl(an acquaintance/distant friend) fought with her still going strong boyfriend coz the poor soul forgot to buy chloromint for her... *silliness personified*

### A girl fought with her boyfriend for lingering slightly more than a desired time period (in her eyes) in the company of his male friends... *huh*

Aah…the trials n tribulations of modern day love birds… *avoid*

I would be very happy if someone takes the effort to share some more such hilarious reasons for a love fight...!!!

P.S...The incidents cited have purely been chosen depending on the degree of hilarity they exhibit and the 2:1 ratio of gals:boys in no way insinuates that womenkind find more silly reasons to fight...*peace*

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Alphabetically Defined

Hello again!!!Am back with another post where i describe each letter of that glorious language known to the masses as "ENGLISH".Hereby,i acknowledge the significance of each letter in this blessed life of mine.

N.B.:- this is actually inspired from someone else's blog which i happened to stumble across recently in one of my endless blog-hunting sprees..)!!!Cudn't help but compile mah own list.
newayz....without much ado, let's get started!!!

A for Allah (everything i am, its coz of u) n Anthonian (alma mater) - for being the place where the first seeds of my moronic self were sowed

B for Boredom (my unsuspecting and ever compromising partner) - for keeping me company when every1 else left or were driven away by my dime-a-dozen pjs

C for Calcutta (it'll alwayz remain Calcutta for me) n Coffee

D for Dimwits/Dumboz - for making me feel like Einstein’s second in command n Diego Armando Maradona (soccer god)

E for English (with all due respect to other languages) - for just existing.

F for Friendship (a bond wrought in love and pledged in pranks) n F.I.E.M. (Future Inst. of Engg n Mgmt) - abode of four glorious years

G for Gondolas (in venice) - am a core romantic @ heart n a ride on dis beauty is my idea of a perfect rendezvous with my beloved.

H for Home (sweet home)

I for Islam (the ultimate truth) - *peace unto everyone*, Iconoclast - favourite roleplay n “I” - urs truly!!!

J for Jest (which I use when sum1 gets offended)

K for Kudos (pat on d bak) - just adore them.

L for Love - fuel of life n Laziness - profession of life

M for Manchester United, Music (sedative on which am living) n Maria Sharapova - *sighs* n *puppy grin*

N for Nights (fav part of the day)

O for Opulent fools - for always reminding me what not to be.

P for Paradoxes, Parodies n PC

Q for Queer n weird ideas which have an open passage to my mind.

R for Reveries (for providing an outlet of escape) n Reading (for getting cultivated in me since my pre teens)

S for Sanity, Sobriquets (easy meat to exploit) n Sarcasm

T for Tom n Jerry

U for Utopia (for remaining a dream)

V for Vehement denials of pranks well played

W for Water (lifeline) n Whatever else that cudnt make the list.

X for Xtra helpings of chocolate fudge (vice) n X everything (read:-girl friend)-*best wishes*

Y for You my dear n Yak attacks

Z for Zombie - favourite persona

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Dreams Enshrined, Hopes Entombed

Ladies and gentleman and everybody else (just trying to be politically correct here, or is it sexually correct), well…whatever it is, I think I am deviating from the task I set out to do….so bak 2 d point I come…this is my first post in this brand new blog of mine which has been named by yours truly as
sepulchre of high hopes
and so in keeping with the mood of the nomenclature, this post talks of how we, humans, nourish and cherish lofty hopes of realizing long thought of dreams but rarely water them with the work and thoughts which are the basic ingredients of the rarity – “dream come true”.

This ultimately leads to the death of these sweet nothings ( read :- dreams and hopes) and their existence gets secluded to the narrow confines of the memories of the souls which once beared them….some of us push these to the very corners of our existing memories (as hard as any1 convinces u that he/she has forgotten, they do remain) while others enshrine them in tombs of the heart effectively forming a sort of an analogical burial ground, a “sepulchre of high hopes”.

Man proposes…god disposes” is an age old adage which aptly describes the burial of everything we pined for but could not achieve. To be very fair, the entity named *destiny* does work tirelessly across lives in this abode of ours, however, equally (if not more) true is the fact that v, humans, are quite adept at blaming our inept effort towards realizing our own dreams on the poor, tireless soul that we have come to know as destiny. This, of course, is due to the fact that this poor seamless entity cannot defend itself in the human context of justice and thus is an easy prey which we are quite happy to target.

Now, I think most (i.e. if any one reads this) of you who are reading this would by now be getting a strong stench of “preachiness”, so let me just assure you my dears, this is actually a self-preaching piece and it’s just your sheer sense of bad luck which made you come across this post and more so gave you the patience to continue reading till this word, (now I’m sure you’re very motivated to click the close button @ the top right of your screen and trust me, if u do so, you would be doing yourselves a huge favor )….however, if you are hell bent on getting bored to the point of death( I say point, coz haven’t yet come across any news item stating the cause of death to be suicide due to boredom)….lemme continue on what I was supposed to be writing about.

There’s not much more I have to say (that’s coz I can only take a certain amount of self-procrastination) except that trust me every1….a tomb of hopes and dreams is actually quite a grotesque piece of structure which remains juxtaposed against the human conscience for time immemorial (read…your lifetime)…..so dears, please avoid…..coz as wise men/women (am not sure about the gender here) have said….”better safe than sorry”.

Now, the only ways we can avoid this catacomb of misery is by doing one of two things……either stop dreaming and uncross your fingers to eradicate hope from your lives or nourish your priceless dreams with the nutrients of your work and thoughts. Now, however little my knowledge may be, it still is sufficient enough to know that dreaming and hoping are involuntary actions of the human brain, so that eliminates the first option comprehensively……so behold…..there isn’t any other option than to fall back on the second option……so, happy (working towards your dreams), dears…njoy!!!