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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Mending Fences


As the Office Communicator dazzled on his desktop taskbar, signifying a new instant message, Owais had a glance @ d taskbar clock which told him the time to be 9:55 pm.

Sarkar, Snigdha : Aur kitni der tak tumhare naam k side pe green light jalegi:P
Haider, Owais : Kya karen.....work, has been postulated, by sum frigging assholes, 2 b worship:(

She always marveled @ his having a cheeky remark for almost every moment.....it was one of the reasons which had drawn her so steadfastly to him, one of the reasons why she missed their regular conversations so much, why she missed him, so much.

Sarkar, Snigdha : Now, isn't that rich coming from a workaholic like you:P
Haider, Owais : Duh....ye ilzaam to mat lagao:(

And instantly he regretted typing that.....it sort of alluded that there were other accusations labeled @ him by her which was true of course, but he did not want her to think that he was bitter about that. He did not want her to think that those bygones were still haunting every moment of his existence.

Haider, Owais : But then, I remember, you had a home here, didn't u? Go grace the place with ur presence na:P
Sarkar, Snigdha : jaa hi rahi hoon, am almost dun for the day
Sarkar, Snigdhathen u can have ur sweet office all 4 urself:P
Haider, Owais : Am callin it quits too....wanna have sum company on d way back?
Sarkar, Snigdha : Hmm.....yeah ok, y not, I mean?
Haider, Owais : k, coming by your cube shortly!

Both of them knew it was a very bad idea, both had been so unwilling to take d risk, both had taken pains to avoid being alone together for more than a minute since the recent past but both succumbed for the moment.
Owais gave in to his concern about her traveling so late all alone and Snigdha, to her longing of just being able to talk to him again.

Snigdha blamed herself for everything that went wrong between them, for good measure too. She had known everything all along, what was happening, how it would all end, she had known that she would not ever reciprocate the feelings that were taking home in his heart. Hell, she had actually fanned those feelings knowing all along that there were no answers blowing in the wind to the inevitable questions which were  forming....yes, she knew everything perfectly well yet she had let everything happen. Not that she had a choice, she thought. She just could not help it, she did not have the will to fight the moment which was sucking her in, she had been just hoping against hope that he would somehow manage to not give in but that was not to be......somewhere she had actually helped him in falling into the chasm and then refused to take the plunge.

Taking a bus was the safer option, it offers less of intimacy but practicalities and reasoning dictated it be a cab. And thus, 20 minutess later,  dreading every action of his, Owais hailed a cab and the two settled in, both hoping in their heart of hearts, that silence would make their company a crowd.

But silence is torturous. It engulfs you, suffocating your senses and points you to the unsaid words which you do not want to hear. They were dreading each other's non-speech, each wondering when the other would launch into some words.....words which would be akin to knives slashing their hearts and souls. And pre-empting that inevitable deluge of emotions, they suddenly started talking. Chattering along, talking about anything and everything under the sun except the one thing which they both did not want to even think of, lest the other read their mind somehow.  

For a fleeting moment as their eyes got locked together, seemingly for eternity, Owais could not help but wonder how perfectly she embodied her name. Graceful would have been the first word which he would have used to describe her and incidentally, that was exactly what her name meant. It was after very many moons, that he was seeing her so up close and just, for a moment, he allowed himself to drink in her beauty and the endless depth of her eyes. A moment, was all, that he could trust himself with. Just a bit more and the cloud of memories would perpetuate a downpour of feelings. 

It is amazing, though and highly amusing too, how people can talk about all sorts of inane things when they just want to avoid talking about some specifics.

In that one hour, they talked and talked.....from the latest movies to office politics, music, food, gossip.....abusing the Project Manager and remembering the fun they had during their training days, they discussed whether Obama's popularity ratings decreasing were really indicative of anything and whether the Fedex era was finally over, he brought up how amazingly beautiful Sonam Kapoor looked in her new flick and she drooled over her latest celeb crush, David Villa.....seeing a Merc at a traffic signal the suddenly dwindling conversation reignited into a debate over the most classy car and a sudden welcome bout of breeze turned the chatter towards Calcutta's non-amazing weather....every possible topic which could be broached was attacked with fervor as silence was not given any chance.

And then finally, Snigdha got down as the cab pulled over near her house, tried to pay unsuccessfully and then bid Owais goodnight and goodbye. Ascending the stairs up to her flat, there was an initial curl of a smile on her lips and a hope that someday, very soon, they would also be able to talk about the thing they avoided talking tonight. And perhaps, just perhaps, she would be able to exempt her faults and get things back on the friendship track.

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18 eulogies: on "Mending Fences"

Keshi said...

CN I love love ur blog's new LOOK, it's hot! :) Love the image slider at the top wow..v impressive.

How hv u been? Missed u all so v much, but no I'll never abandon my blog friends. Thats why I come here from time to time, to say HI, to check on u all.

Great write up as usual. Interesting :)

Love the line "It is amazing, though and highly amusing too, how people can talk about all sorts of inane things when they just want to avoid talking about some specifics."

Very true!

Keep writing CN. I wish u a very merry Christmas and a beautiful New Year! TC. XX


Phoenix said...

I had a feeling of deja vu.... struck a chord in ways I wouldnt wanna admit.. thanks for holding up the mirror Saim!

Miranda said...

Indeed is very hard to loose somebody because of his/her work. Is like that person is choosing to work instead of staying with the loved one.. :(

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