ROFL...

The following conversation took place on the Set Max pre-IPL match show "Extra Innings" on the 29th of April, 09.
The special guest being Akash Chopra, the player who auditioned for an opening Test batsman role while playing T20 :D (words of Fake IPL Player).
Any how, this is how the conversation went...

Samir Kochar : So Akash, what's the reason that KKR have not been able to put up scores of substance regularly...where do you think you guyz were wrong?
Akash Chopra: Actually, the wickets in South Africa have some seam movement early on and all of us are accustomed to going slam bang from the first ball...so we have lost wickets to the new ball.

Slam bang and you Mr. Chopra...yeah right:D

Me Taliban

I belong to the Taliban and I am a Talib.....says who? Says Honorable Supreme Court Justice Markandey Katju.

Oh did he...I guess he must have strong valid reasons, right? Well, he does have a reason, yes.

Gosh...so you guys have infiltrated into Indian mainland, you must be a spy, right...what else would you be in India for? Hmm...I've always been in India, you see, I was born here, have been brought up here, studied here (though we hardly study in engineering colleges:D), intend to work here too if a certain IT major does not forget me...ohh n btw, I love India too but that I suppose is besides the point.

Guftagu

A moonlit night...winter evening...starry sky...slight drizzle...empty terrace...two souls...lost in thoughts.

Girl :- Chand itna khubsoorat kyun hai?
Boy :- Ghaur se dekho...sirf dhabbe hi dikhenge.
Girl :- So much for you being a romantic *exasperated sigh*
Boy :- So much for you trying to make me one *naughty grin*

So much for silly conversations:D

Idiosyncratic Me

Been tagged by Asbah and Aditi to write 25 random facts, goals or quirks about myself...now there's one daunting task if there was ever one but then as looking the challenge in the eye is the name of the game:D, I hereby try to pen down a silver jubilee list about the eccentric moronic self that I am.

#1. I am a very usual, perfectly common human being and you will be sure to find many like me in every walk of life.

#2. I wish to one day live the life that I envisage for me and my family...for me my family is much more important to me than I myself would ever be.

#3. I am not an introvert but I take some time to warm up to people...once that small matter is taken care of I generally tend to bring the house down.

What's Happening...

Hello fellas...wassup people?
Everyone rockin hopefully...I of course mean rockin your chairs:D
Wanted to post something...no topic in mind to rant about, no poem forming in the confines of the literary part of the brain as well:)
So, I thought let's subject my trusted blog readers to my absolutely exalted take on a few of the goings on in this place of our existence.
It's going to be very random...hopefully nonsensical too:D

K{no}w Me Better

First Name:- Saim

Sex:- Male

Single or Taken:- have not replied to Maria's proposal yet...so yes, it would be single as of now:D

Birthday:- 9th day of August

Siblings:- 3 sisters n a bro

Hair Color:- Natural Black:D

Shoe Size:- 7/8

Height:- 5'6"

Innie or Outie:- Mostly innie...prefer to be outie only among the chosen:)

What are you wearing right now:- Tracks, T-shirt n my attitude:D

From Sepulchre To Saim

Hii soulmate...how are you dese dayz??? Kinda rockin I hope...pretty busy too considering that you haven't been visiting me very oft these past few weeks...

You know it's been kinda lonely without you...not that am complaining or something, I mean am too exalted and honourable to be bothered by your absence...yes, some of your human friends do visit and often scribble some words, generally a message for you...seems I have bcum sort of a post box for u eh eh:)

*Celeb Me*

Inspired by Keshi n Ria's new found celebrity statuses:D
I hereby unleash on Blogville the latest entrant to the xclusive club:D

Presenting the one, the only..... Saim:)

Multi colored vision:)

*Starry eyes*

Dard Ki Talaash...

There is something about "being in love" that is far too appealing for the human heart...it just can't do without it. I have approximately 10 very good friends out of which 8 are either in love or trying to begin being in love or even trying to continue being in love:D. Now the other day this 9th friend of mine says to me in an off-the-cuff remark that it's probably time for both of us to dive in the depths of loveville and give romance a chance and the sober me replied that "love just happens, u can't go about finding it" although the sarcastic me was so itching to retort about the various rather appealing by-products of dear love (broken hearts, long fights, living nytmares n likes). And then he goes ahead and gives me a summarized lecture inspired by Irrfan Khan in Life In A Metro *bring the car out n take ur chance* .

Opinion Required!!!

An eye for an eye may make the whole world one-eyed, but it's non-application would surely lead to the 1st person becoming completely blind.

This is a quote which I once used in a G.D. to justify a point.
Would like all you beautiful people's opinions on the justifiability of this statement.

Ravings of my moronic self...

Hello every1...bak to posting something!!!

No social commentary to put forward, no story to tell, no poem to puke out neither any tag to finish (actually, do have a couple of tags pending but am not feeling upto them yet)...so, the burning question is "what to write about?".....hmmm *deliberations* .......hmmmm *intense deliberations* .......hmmmmmm *desperate deliberations* .....damn!!!

Ok...let's just write about the world in general.
My humble (n absolutely unwarranted) take on the happenings of dear world.... *tongue-in-cheek*

### UPA n the LEFT headed for a divorce...well, how long can a marriage without carnal pleasures last:P (outside support n all, no scope for sex, u c)....yeah, yeah....i know that was disgustingly tasteless but allow me some leeway (for just being me:D)

### Inflation @ a record high of 11.42%, prime reason being the exorbitant rise in prices of crude oil....well, that was just waiting to happen. What else do u xpect with so much of oiling n buttering of corrupt politicians, evil bosses n eviller faculties of engineering colleges happening.

### The GJM have brought life to a standstill in the upper echelons of West Bengal, reason being their demand for talks leading to the formation of a new state Gorkhaland....actually, they have realised that's the only way they could ever form a government coz Bengal will always be RED.

### The Arushi murder case continues to haunt our imaginations n baffle the CBI....*may u get justice*

### Bill Gates has bid adieu to Microsoft Corporations n will now concentrate on doing philantrophic work...*lots of luck, buddy!*

### Jane Mcgrath, wife of ex-Aussie quickie Glenn Mcgrath, has departed from this world after a prolonged battle with breast cancer.....*R.I.P* Jane n all the other departed souls of this world.

### Big W has started and even b4 the 1st week draws to a close, Maria Sharapova has been knocked out....*absolute agony* ......of course, the same fate has befallen Djokovic, Roddick, Sania n Ivanovic but who the hell cares about their exits, anyway? Am still reeling from the shock of beloved Maria crashing out....*disturbed sigh* ....now, it's all upto u, Roger!!!

### It's a Germany vs Spain finale @ the Euro Cup....will be rooting whole-heartedly for the Spanish Armada to nail the Germans but am having that sinking feeling of the Germans coming through....For the record, I, abso-bloody-lutely hate the German football team....reason: haven't yet forgotten their crooked victory over Argentina in the 1990 World Cup Final.

### COLDPLAY have launched a new album "Viva La Vida".....caught a miniscule sneak peek on VH1 n it sounds promising. A friend called up to say that it's mind blowing n all but he borders on fanaticism sometimes, so i'll have to make sure b4 committing myself to a critique.

### Two women were asked to vacate the podium @ a Barack Obama function coz they were clad in the traditional "hijab"....yes, Obama did personally apologize to the women later on but that's besides the point. A pity really, coz u r allowed to wear whatever u choose....yes, forcible enforcement of the "hijab" needs to be condemned but so does the forcible enforcement of it's non-allowance.
Just an observation.....a Muslim woman willfully clad in the "hijab" is frowned upon and termed offensive by quite a few in the western world, yet the same world reveres its Catholic nuns who are willfully dressed in similar attires.

On the personal front, not much happening....life's mundane n meandering. Still awaiting my joining letter.....also awaiting the release of "Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na"....cooped up in my house staring either @ printed paper (read: newspapers/books) or glass monitors (read: idiot box/PC).....saw a movie the other day titled "The Green Mile" n just loved it.....planning a school re-union someday next week n hoping to hit off well with my old chums (been almost 7/8 years since I met some of the people xpected to b present thr)....btw....got my final semester results n yeah, I passed....so,I guess, am officially an engineer now *gulp*

Sample dis....A guy, on giving a jingoistically pro-woman statement, was asked by his friend " R u a feminist?"....On this d guy replied "No, but am neither a masculinist"......yes, yes....I know that was a P.J (P standing for pathetic) *sheepish grin*

Red Hot Song of The Moment: Bakhuda tumhi ho from the movie "Kismat Konnection" .....check it out here http://www.mp3pk.net/indian/kismat_konnection.html

Also, am sure most of u have noticed by now but for the benefit of those who have been enchantingly engrossed in my ravings, I, have a new template installed:D:D .....n yes, I am xpecting some praise on my xcellent choice (d xcellent part has been deemed by myself:D)
Newayz, enough ravings of my moronic self.....so long,till next time

C ya, buddyz!!!

Celeb Talk

Songs celebrities are humming/singing/shrieking....

Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi are singing to each other...."kab ke bichde hue hum aaj milen"

Hillary Clinton to Obama....."keh do ke tum mere dil mein rahoge, keh do ke tum mujhse dosti karoge"
Barack Obama replies....."tumhein apna saathi banane se pehle meri jaan mujhko bahut sochna hai"

George Bush is singing to himself......."ae waqt ruk ja, tham ja theher ja, wapas chala ja tu peeche"....."thinking of his impending term-end.

Roger Federer to himself thinking about another impending match up with Nadal....."tere mere beech mein kaisa hai yeh bandhan anjaana"
Rafael Nadal with the same thoughts......"jiska mujhe tha intezaar, jiske liye dil tha beqaraar, woh ghadi aa gyi,aa gyi"

Shane Watson to australian selectors......"bhula na sakoge mujhe bhul kar bhi"
Shane Warne to australian selectors........"aaj puraani raahon se koi mujhe aawaz na do"

Shahrukh Khan to Sourav......"haare , haare, haare, hum to game haare"
Sourav replies......."ye safar bahut hai kathin magar, na udaas ho mere humsafar"

Md.Asif to PCB......"please forgive me, i can't stop taking drugs"

Maria Sharapova thinking about her french open exit...."oops!!!i did it again"

Manmohan Singh to the public......"ae mere watan ke logon, zara aankh mein bhar lo paani" on the rising oil and food prices.

Ram Gopal Verma to film critics......"we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun".....asking them to remember RANGEELA AND SATYA rather than AAG when critiquing SARKAR RAJ.

Yuvraj Singh to MSD......"mere dost kissa ye kya ho gaya, suna hai ke tu bewafa ho gaya".....after CSK thrashed KXP in the IPL semifinal.

Vijay Mallya to his friends......"ye kya jagah hai doston, ye kaun sa maqaam hai".......on getting a taste of failure for a change.

n now for some quotes.....

Harman Baweja says "it's not because of me that i resemble Hrithik, it's all my mom and dad's doing"........thnx for clarifying,lolz.

Aishwarya Rai Bacchan says "i recommend marriage to everyone"........u selfish woman!!!u want all of us to share ur misery.

Abhishek Bacchan calls RGV ki AAG a "so-called terrible movie".......well yes abhi,after all u did act in JHOOM BARABAR JHOOM.

Roger Federer says "i am pondering a stint in politics".......way to go roger!!! @least u won't have to face Nadal there.

P.S......This is another one of my botched-up attempts @ humour. Its getting posted here has nothing to do with it's quality, rather it has everything to do with the lack of any other "postable" material....*peace*

Blackboard's tale

I am black in color and I am not ashamed of it. In fact, I am quite proud of it. I have always found black to be “beautiful”. It’s like serenity and style packaged into one. I have been stuck here all my existence. Ever since I have glanced upon this world, it’s been while being nailed up here. I quite like it here actually for most part of light but it’s really that time I enjoy the most when everything around me embraces my color. The world is such a peaceful and silent place @ that moment. I seem to be far, far away from the sounds of chitter and chatter which I have to endure during the day.


Talking of the day, as much I despise it, it actually is not such a bad time pass for me. Of course, it’s not peaceful as the night but it’s an interesting change. Yes, I do have to endure the biggest irritant in this world to me, those white colored half-sticks which I have hate-named as “obnoxious gnomes”. I call them irritant coz they are not worthy enough of being called an enemy but trust me when I say this, I hate them like hell. These gnomes seem to have a divine right to scratch my body and make ugly marks on my smooth exterior. Yes, they are temporary marks but still I hate to look ugly even for a moment. I take absolute pleasure in the fact that these sticks get decimated and lose their existence in the process of creating these marks on me which I think is nature’s revenge for me. But they seem to reproduce exponentially. As soon as one of these loses its existence and becomes white granules, another comes up to take its place. They are a disdainful lot who deserve the utmost contempt from my exalted existence. They have colored cousins too who are only different in color to them. When it comes to their ability of scarring me, they are just as willing.


Giving these gnomes very tough competition for the dishonor of being called the “biggest irritant” are those two-footed, clothed animals which keep me company during most part of the day. The only reason they get booted to the 2nd position is because of a great service they offer me of which I will give a detailed explanation later. These hypocrites talk of equality and liberty in my presence, of caste and color having no importance, yet they have so ungracefully named me after the color of my exterior…*racists, all of them*…Coming back to these two footed animals, they are divided into two classes namely….1) those who sit with their backs to me who I have named “Maam-sir” and 2) those who sit with their faces to me who I have named “Boydent n Girldent”.


The ones who sit with their backs to me seldom sit actually. Most of the time they are a willing partner-in-crime to those gnomes in scratching my body and in addition to this crime they keep touching me with those tentacles of theirs…*perverts*…. However, I allow them this only coz they unknowingly offer me the thing which I crave for most but as I said “I’ll come back to that later”.

The ones who sit with their faces to me are far greater in quantity and much more interesting qualitatively. Of them I despise those the most who keep staring @ me unblinking with those two circular sockets at the top of their structures….*voyeurs*…. While their number is thankfully less, the act is despicable @ the least. The others however are far more entertaining. Some of them are amusing to the very core. From making all sorts of funny faces to sticking out a slimy parabolic structure from their mouth, from hurling objects @ each other to sometimes sticking their middle tentacle in the direction of the Maam-sirs, they do it all. Of course, they do this mostly when the Maam-sirs are busy scratching me but that’s besides the point. Some of the boydents keep staring @ the girldents and vice-versa….not that am feeling jealous here but are they more beautiful than me??? Neither are they as black as me nor do they have half as smooth an exterior as I have, but probably they are happy with staring @ less beautiful stuff. 


One reason that I like Boydents and Girldents is coz they sometimes engage in a sort of a game which gives infinite pleasure to me. I have named this game “Gnome-hurl”. Basically, in this game, the boydents and girldents hurl the “gnome” all over taking target practice @ each other. Ohhh!!! I tell you, its pure ecstasy seeing that irritant get thrown about @ will. My joy is unbridled when the gnome gets broken from its midriff…*poetic justice*…the least that it deserves in my view.


Let me now tell you about that great service which the two-footed animal offers to me. Unknowingly, they act as the linkage between me and my beloved. They are the unassuming facilitators of my love story. They are the ones who make my meeting with my beloved possible. The gnomes scratch me, the animals grope me but it’s my beloved who removes the scars. The “Scratch-remover” is what I have love-named him. I exist just to feel its touch on myself. When it comes in contact with me, not only does it remove my scars and scratches, but it completes me. Its touch is smooth and pleasant yet at the same time electric. My nights are never complete without it’s longing invading my thoughts. I endure those marks on my body only because they are the precursor to my rendezvous with my beloved.


That, in a nutshell, is my story.

P.S....This blackboard has had the fortunate/unfortunate honour of being stuck in an engineering classroom....hence "the middle tentacle showing" part...no offence meant to classrooms in general.

love, thy name is hilarity

“Love is a 4-letter word, it means nothing” is one of my more sarcasm laden retorts to "madly in love" souls n the "happily ever after" believers of this world. To be very honest, I am guilty of hypocrisy while uttering this but it just seems an oh-so-purrfect reply to the 21st century guys n gals who invariably believe in the bollywood inspired mumbo jumbo of “sacred bond” n “love begets sacrifice”.

A far more interesting and hilarious side topic of love today are “love–fights”. Bollywood songs have since decades engrained the concept of “roothna-mananaa” in our psyche. Unsurprisingly, all of us know the usual tricks of “mananaa” generally starting from a bouquet of artificial roses/a pack of “Celebrations” to accessories(preferably jewellery)/movie n dinner together. A sincere apology on the part of the guilty party may work (but it’s quite a rarity).

However, am much more interested in the “roothna” part of things coz its actually filled with a lot of ingenuity and make for some seriously rib tickling stuff. Bear in mind, of course, that I am not talking about the “why ddnt u pick up my call” or “you’re not taking out time for me these days” or “you seem to be very interested in the new boy/girl in college/workplace” type of bland and tasteless reasons. Rather, much more trivial n hilarious (the more the triviality, the better hilarity it causes) reasons are getting invented each passing day.

Below, I share some of the top of the chart reasons that I have had the fortune to come across…

N.B:- All of these are very much actual incidents and are in no way a figment of my sometimes quite vivid imagination...(tongue– in-cheek)

### A boy(very close friend of mine, mind you), fought with his (then present,now erstwhile) girlfriend on the phone coz she picked up his call on the fourth ring as opposed to the pre-determined limit of 2/3 rings... *beat that*

### A girl(an acquaintance/distant friend) fought with her still going strong boyfriend coz the poor soul forgot to buy chloromint for her... *silliness personified*

### A girl fought with her boyfriend for lingering slightly more than a desired time period (in her eyes) in the company of his male friends... *huh*

Aah…the trials n tribulations of modern day love birds… *avoid*

I would be very happy if someone takes the effort to share some more such hilarious reasons for a love fight...!!!

P.S...The incidents cited have purely been chosen depending on the degree of hilarity they exhibit and the 2:1 ratio of gals:boys in no way insinuates that womenkind find more silly reasons to fight...*peace*

Dreams Enshrined, Hopes Entombed

Ladies and gentleman and everybody else (just trying to be politically correct here, or is it sexually correct), well…whatever it is, I think I am deviating from the task I set out to do….so bak 2 d point I come…this is my first post in this brand new blog of mine which has been named by yours truly as

“sepulchre of high hopes”

and so in keeping with the mood of the nomenclature, this post talks of how we, humans, nourish and cherish lofty hopes of realizing long thought of dreams but rarely water them with the work and thoughts which are the basic ingredients of the rarity – “dream come true”.

This ultimately leads to the death of these sweet nothings ( read :- dreams and hopes) and their existence gets secluded to the narrow confines of the memories of the souls which once beared them….some of us push these to the very corners of our existing memories (as hard as any1 convinces u that he/she has forgotten, they do remain) while others enshrine them in tombs of the heart effectively forming a sort of an analogical burial ground, a “sepulchre of high hopes”.

“Man proposes…god disposes” is an age old adage which aptly describes the burial of everything we pined for but could not achieve. To be very fair, the entity named *destiny* does work tirelessly across lives in this abode of ours, however, equally (if not more) true is the fact that v, humans, are quite adept at blaming our inept effort towards realizing our own dreams on the poor, tireless soul that we have come to know as destiny. This, of course, is due to the fact that this poor seamless entity cannot defend itself in the human context of justice and thus is an easy prey which we are quite happy to target.

Now, I think most (i.e. if any one reads this) of you who are reading this would by now be getting a strong stench of “preachiness”, so let me just assure you my dears, this is actually a self-preaching piece and it’s just your sheer sense of bad luck which made you come across this post and more so gave you the patience to continue reading till this word, (now I’m sure you’re very motivated to click the close button @ the top right of your screen and trust me, if u do so, you would be doing yourselves a huge favor )….however, if you are hell bent on getting bored to the point of death( I say point, coz haven’t yet come across any news item stating the cause of death to be suicide due to boredom)….lemme continue on what I was supposed to be writing about.

There’s not much more I have to say (that’s coz I can only take a certain amount of self-procrastination) except that trust me every1….a tomb of hopes and dreams is actually quite a grotesque piece of structure which remains juxtaposed against the human conscience for time immemorial (read…your lifetime)…..so dears, please avoid…..coz as wise men/women (am not sure about the gender here) have said….”better safe than sorry”.

Now, the only ways we can avoid this catacomb of misery is by doing one of two things……either stop dreaming and uncross your fingers to eradicate hope from your lives or nourish your priceless dreams with the nutrients of your work and thoughts. Now, however little my knowledge may be, it still is sufficient enough to know that dreaming and hoping are involuntary actions of the human brain, so that eliminates the first option comprehensively……so behold…..there isn’t any other option than to fall back on the second option……so, happy (working towards your dreams), dears…njoy!!!