The Last Laugh

I abused the skies, insulted them and gestured rudely...they tried ignoring me and did so for quite some time but I finally broke through their defenses.....they opened their mouth and hurled the choicest of abuses back at me, which of course were in the form of rains.

I'd got what I wanted, had tricked the skies into giving me this gift, had that smug looking grin on my face.

It poured and roared and brimming with joy I got drenched, conversed with the rain drops, played with the wind, the troubles wiped off momentarily, felt clean and pure again, felt happy, found bliss.

And then.... I fell sick, running fever and headache:(

The skies had had their revenge.....it was me who was tricked:P

And yet I don't mind at all, it's a price I gladly pay...and so the skies may think they had the last laugh but you just can't wipe off this contented smile from my face anytime soon:)

ROFL...

The following conversation took place on the Set Max pre-IPL match show "Extra Innings" on the 29th of April, 09.
The special guest being Akash Chopra, the player who auditioned for an opening Test batsman role while playing T20 :D (words of Fake IPL Player).
Any how, this is how the conversation went...

Samir Kochar : So Akash, what's the reason that KKR have not been able to put up scores of substance regularly...where do you think you guyz were wrong?
Akash Chopra: Actually, the wickets in South Africa have some seam movement early on and all of us are accustomed to going slam bang from the first ball...so we have lost wickets to the new ball.

Slam bang and you Mr. Chopra...yeah right:D

Of a snippet and an award

Place:- An almost town in Bihar
Time:- About 9 in the evening
Setting:- 2 litre sealed Sprite bottle brought home has been discovered to contain an external twig like cylindrical object and yours truly has been asked to get a replacement bottle.

Me : "Is bottle mein kuch hai...isko badal do"
Shopkeeper : "Arre bhaiyya...geeft hoga"
Me : "Gift aise bottle ke andar nahin rehta hai...aur phir bottle pe kuch likha bhi to nahin hai gift ke baare mein"
Shopkeeper : "Surpriej geeft hoga na"...( and saying that he gave me a different bottle )

Yours truly was gutting his heart out soundlessly on hearing that reply...lolz!!!

Guftagu

A moonlit night...winter evening...starry sky...slight drizzle...empty terrace...two souls...lost in thoughts.

Girl :- Chand itna khubsoorat kyun hai?
Boy :- Ghaur se dekho...sirf dhabbe hi dikhenge.
Girl :- So much for you being a romantic *exasperated sigh*
Boy :- So much for you trying to make me one *naughty grin*

So much for silly conversations:D

50 and counting...

One fine hot summer day in May, a visibly bored yours truly was browsing through communities on dear Orkut randomly hopping from one to the other with absolutely no end purpose...then in one of those random communities (dun even remember which 1), in the members section a face was spotted...a photoshopped hazy picture which did not hide the fact that the face was actually quite captivating:D (dun know whether the picture was made hazy to hide that fact or not)...but naturally yours truly reached that profile and among other things found a hyperlink with a funny name beside the "webpage" option...curios me could not resist and in the blink of an eye the hyperlink was clicked...redirected to a new page and voila...the enchanting blogosphere was discovered, rather stumbled upon...

Idiosyncratic Me

Been tagged by Asbah and Aditi to write 25 random facts, goals or quirks about myself...now there's one daunting task if there was ever one but then as looking the challenge in the eye is the name of the game:D, I hereby try to pen down a silver jubilee list about the eccentric moronic self that I am.

#1. I am a very usual, perfectly common human being and you will be sure to find many like me in every walk of life.

#2. I wish to one day live the life that I envisage for me and my family...for me my family is much more important to me than I myself would ever be.

#3. I am not an introvert but I take some time to warm up to people...once that small matter is taken care of I generally tend to bring the house down.

What's Happening...

Hello fellas...wassup people?
Everyone rockin hopefully...I of course mean rockin your chairs:D
Wanted to post something...no topic in mind to rant about, no poem forming in the confines of the literary part of the brain as well:)
So, I thought let's subject my trusted blog readers to my absolutely exalted take on a few of the goings on in this place of our existence.
It's going to be very random...hopefully nonsensical too:D

K{no}w Me Better

First Name:- Saim

Sex:- Male

Single or Taken:- have not replied to Maria's proposal yet...so yes, it would be single as of now:D

Birthday:- 9th day of August

Siblings:- 3 sisters n a bro

Hair Color:- Natural Black:D

Shoe Size:- 7/8

Height:- 5'6"

Innie or Outie:- Mostly innie...prefer to be outie only among the chosen:)

What are you wearing right now:- Tracks, T-shirt n my attitude:D

From Sepulchre To Saim

Hii soulmate...how are you dese dayz??? Kinda rockin I hope...pretty busy too considering that you haven't been visiting me very oft these past few weeks...

You know it's been kinda lonely without you...not that am complaining or something, I mean am too exalted and honourable to be bothered by your absence...yes, some of your human friends do visit and often scribble some words, generally a message for you...seems I have bcum sort of a post box for u eh eh:)

*Celeb Me*

Inspired by Keshi n Ria's new found celebrity statuses:D
I hereby unleash on Blogville the latest entrant to the xclusive club:D

Presenting the one, the only..... Saim:)

Multi colored vision:)

*Starry eyes*

Baby, I'm addicted...

Been tagged by the "Addictions" tag by Akshaya...
Well, the Oxford defines "addiction" being the "fact or condition of being dependant on something/someone" and it means the same in my dictionary too:D
So, without further nonsensical talk, here it is...

#1. Life...am addicted to life, I can't stop living...even at the downest of times, at the lowest ebb of the fortune's tide...I still harbor hopes. I may not proclaim to be still in hope but deep down within me there is that tiny flicker still burning bright. As they say na "Umeed pe hi duniya qayam hai" (Hope is what the world lives on)

WOOOOSH

Have u ever wished that the Earth split up @ your feet and swallowed u in her bosom? Have u ever been so embarrassed that u wished everyone became blissfully oblivious of u? Have u ever wished that Muggles could Apparate? (in J.K.Rowling language). In short, have u ever wished u could disappear into thin air? ......."woooosh"

I certainly have, on quite a few occasions too. Below I share some of those "woooosh" moments of my life.

۩۩۩

• Time:- Jan 2001, 12.30pm IST
• Place:- IX B classroom, St. Anthony's High School, Central Kolkata
• Incident:- The whole secondary section of the school had gone off to the training ground for Annual Sports Heats. However, owing to my several other commitments (read:- school mag editor, outgoing students farewell-in-charge) apart from being the house prefect, I was withheld from going by our extra-curricular activities head. However, little did I know, that I would soon be witness to an intensely heated verbal spat between two teachers. Me, the silent spectator of that verbal equivalent of a cock-fight (cock-hen fight, actually:P) as those two went @ each other completely oblivious of my humble presence.

۩۩۩

• Time:- Nov 2007, 10.30pm IST
• Place:- Some Banquet Hall, Central Kolkata
• Incident:- Reception party of Z's (one of my bestest friends) bro. Now, we are childhood friends and are quite close...as close that I, not only know his family members but also most of his uncle n aunts, cousins n like. I suddenly notice this really cute looking girl, saunter off to Z n casually (decently though:D) remark how stunningly beautiful a creature she looks... *10 sec pause* ..."she's my cousin from Jamshedpur", replies Z. I'm like "well, beauty needs to be appreciated nonetheless".

۩۩۩

• Time:- Dec 2007, 6.30pm IST
• Place:- Sweet Home, Central Kolkata
• Relevant facts:- I have a handset which transmits crystal clear voice which allows others besides me to hear the sounds, though (thankfully) they can't distinguish the words. Also, I live in a two room flat.
• Incident:- S, (close friend) got into a fling with a nearly psychotic, ever-willing tissue ad model kind of a girl. 2 weeks into the relationship, he fully comprehended his cataclysmic folly, broke up and stopped answering her calls. 2nd day of the 3rd week, I get a call from an unknown number which I pick up. It is her and she wants S's landline number which I have been forewarned not to give under any circumstances. So, I reply in the negative but she doesn't hang up; rather starts telling me how miserable her life is. It starts with a few choked words which turn into a semblance of a sob, soon replaced by incessant crying and ultimately hoarse bawling. Am @ a loss of words coz Dad is sitting just beside me and have guests in the other room. Of course, my courteous self is not allowing me to hang up but an getting some real stares from Dad. Finally, however, I manage to squeeze in some words of encouragement in the midst of her tear-jerker and hang up. "Any problem", Dad asks. "None whatsoever", replies me.

۩۩۩

• Time:- Feb 2008, 4.30pm IST
• Place:- S's terrace, Central Kolkata
• Incident:- We were having one of our customary adda (lazing around get togethers) sessions. I had R sitting on my adjacent right...talk somehow moved to smoking n yours truly dived into naming the latest entrants to that pit of fumes...."guyz, day b4 yesterday, I came across T puffing a cigarette...lad's grown up, it seems". No one came up with a verbal reaction but I saw both S n S giving me death glares and pointing shiftily to my right. I was a bit confused as to this absurd reaction when a brainwave occured and I remembered that T was R's younger brother. "Maybe it was just a one-off curiosity trip", I followed up.

There, I'm done...those are all that come to mind @ dis oppurtune moment. Now I'm bang on sure that all of you have had some such moments...So, without further ado...I invite all of u, beautiful people, to share your "woooosh" moments here.

P.S. Watched Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na...quite good it is, script is nothing new but three wholesome cheers for the treatment n one heck of a climax...must watch recommendation from my side.

Ravings of my moronic self...

Hello every1...bak to posting something!!!

No social commentary to put forward, no story to tell, no poem to puke out neither any tag to finish (actually, do have a couple of tags pending but am not feeling upto them yet)...so, the burning question is "what to write about?".....hmmm *deliberations* .......hmmmm *intense deliberations* .......hmmmmmm *desperate deliberations* .....damn!!!

Ok...let's just write about the world in general.
My humble (n absolutely unwarranted) take on the happenings of dear world.... *tongue-in-cheek*

### UPA n the LEFT headed for a divorce...well, how long can a marriage without carnal pleasures last:P (outside support n all, no scope for sex, u c)....yeah, yeah....i know that was disgustingly tasteless but allow me some leeway (for just being me:D)

### Inflation @ a record high of 11.42%, prime reason being the exorbitant rise in prices of crude oil....well, that was just waiting to happen. What else do u xpect with so much of oiling n buttering of corrupt politicians, evil bosses n eviller faculties of engineering colleges happening.

### The GJM have brought life to a standstill in the upper echelons of West Bengal, reason being their demand for talks leading to the formation of a new state Gorkhaland....actually, they have realised that's the only way they could ever form a government coz Bengal will always be RED.

### The Arushi murder case continues to haunt our imaginations n baffle the CBI....*may u get justice*

### Bill Gates has bid adieu to Microsoft Corporations n will now concentrate on doing philantrophic work...*lots of luck, buddy!*

### Jane Mcgrath, wife of ex-Aussie quickie Glenn Mcgrath, has departed from this world after a prolonged battle with breast cancer.....*R.I.P* Jane n all the other departed souls of this world.

### Big W has started and even b4 the 1st week draws to a close, Maria Sharapova has been knocked out....*absolute agony* ......of course, the same fate has befallen Djokovic, Roddick, Sania n Ivanovic but who the hell cares about their exits, anyway? Am still reeling from the shock of beloved Maria crashing out....*disturbed sigh* ....now, it's all upto u, Roger!!!

### It's a Germany vs Spain finale @ the Euro Cup....will be rooting whole-heartedly for the Spanish Armada to nail the Germans but am having that sinking feeling of the Germans coming through....For the record, I, abso-bloody-lutely hate the German football team....reason: haven't yet forgotten their crooked victory over Argentina in the 1990 World Cup Final.

### COLDPLAY have launched a new album "Viva La Vida".....caught a miniscule sneak peek on VH1 n it sounds promising. A friend called up to say that it's mind blowing n all but he borders on fanaticism sometimes, so i'll have to make sure b4 committing myself to a critique.

### Two women were asked to vacate the podium @ a Barack Obama function coz they were clad in the traditional "hijab"....yes, Obama did personally apologize to the women later on but that's besides the point. A pity really, coz u r allowed to wear whatever u choose....yes, forcible enforcement of the "hijab" needs to be condemned but so does the forcible enforcement of it's non-allowance.
Just an observation.....a Muslim woman willfully clad in the "hijab" is frowned upon and termed offensive by quite a few in the western world, yet the same world reveres its Catholic nuns who are willfully dressed in similar attires.

On the personal front, not much happening....life's mundane n meandering. Still awaiting my joining letter.....also awaiting the release of "Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na"....cooped up in my house staring either @ printed paper (read: newspapers/books) or glass monitors (read: idiot box/PC).....saw a movie the other day titled "The Green Mile" n just loved it.....planning a school re-union someday next week n hoping to hit off well with my old chums (been almost 7/8 years since I met some of the people xpected to b present thr)....btw....got my final semester results n yeah, I passed....so,I guess, am officially an engineer now *gulp*

Sample dis....A guy, on giving a jingoistically pro-woman statement, was asked by his friend " R u a feminist?"....On this d guy replied "No, but am neither a masculinist"......yes, yes....I know that was a P.J (P standing for pathetic) *sheepish grin*

Red Hot Song of The Moment: Bakhuda tumhi ho from the movie "Kismat Konnection" .....check it out here http://www.mp3pk.net/indian/kismat_konnection.html

Also, am sure most of u have noticed by now but for the benefit of those who have been enchantingly engrossed in my ravings, I, have a new template installed:D:D .....n yes, I am xpecting some praise on my xcellent choice (d xcellent part has been deemed by myself:D)
Newayz, enough ravings of my moronic self.....so long,till next time

C ya, buddyz!!!

Celeb Talk

Songs celebrities are humming/singing/shrieking....

Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi are singing to each other...."kab ke bichde hue hum aaj milen"

Hillary Clinton to Obama....."keh do ke tum mere dil mein rahoge, keh do ke tum mujhse dosti karoge"
Barack Obama replies....."tumhein apna saathi banane se pehle meri jaan mujhko bahut sochna hai"

George Bush is singing to himself......."ae waqt ruk ja, tham ja theher ja, wapas chala ja tu peeche"....."thinking of his impending term-end.

Roger Federer to himself thinking about another impending match up with Nadal....."tere mere beech mein kaisa hai yeh bandhan anjaana"
Rafael Nadal with the same thoughts......"jiska mujhe tha intezaar, jiske liye dil tha beqaraar, woh ghadi aa gyi,aa gyi"

Shane Watson to australian selectors......"bhula na sakoge mujhe bhul kar bhi"
Shane Warne to australian selectors........"aaj puraani raahon se koi mujhe aawaz na do"

Shahrukh Khan to Sourav......"haare , haare, haare, hum to game haare"
Sourav replies......."ye safar bahut hai kathin magar, na udaas ho mere humsafar"

Md.Asif to PCB......"please forgive me, i can't stop taking drugs"

Maria Sharapova thinking about her french open exit...."oops!!!i did it again"

Manmohan Singh to the public......"ae mere watan ke logon, zara aankh mein bhar lo paani" on the rising oil and food prices.

Ram Gopal Verma to film critics......"we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun".....asking them to remember RANGEELA AND SATYA rather than AAG when critiquing SARKAR RAJ.

Yuvraj Singh to MSD......"mere dost kissa ye kya ho gaya, suna hai ke tu bewafa ho gaya".....after CSK thrashed KXP in the IPL semifinal.

Vijay Mallya to his friends......"ye kya jagah hai doston, ye kaun sa maqaam hai".......on getting a taste of failure for a change.

n now for some quotes.....

Harman Baweja says "it's not because of me that i resemble Hrithik, it's all my mom and dad's doing"........thnx for clarifying,lolz.

Aishwarya Rai Bacchan says "i recommend marriage to everyone"........u selfish woman!!!u want all of us to share ur misery.

Abhishek Bacchan calls RGV ki AAG a "so-called terrible movie".......well yes abhi,after all u did act in JHOOM BARABAR JHOOM.

Roger Federer says "i am pondering a stint in politics".......way to go roger!!! @least u won't have to face Nadal there.

P.S......This is another one of my botched-up attempts @ humour. Its getting posted here has nothing to do with it's quality, rather it has everything to do with the lack of any other "postable" material....*peace*

Blackboard's tale

I am black in color and I am not ashamed of it. In fact, I am quite proud of it. I have always found black to be “beautiful”. It’s like serenity and style packaged into one. I have been stuck here all my existence. Ever since I have glanced upon this world, it’s been while being nailed up here. I quite like it here actually for most part of light but it’s really that time I enjoy the most when everything around me embraces my color. The world is such a peaceful and silent place @ that moment. I seem to be far, far away from the sounds of chitter and chatter which I have to endure during the day.


Talking of the day, as much I despise it, it actually is not such a bad time pass for me. Of course, it’s not peaceful as the night but it’s an interesting change. Yes, I do have to endure the biggest irritant in this world to me, those white colored half-sticks which I have hate-named as “obnoxious gnomes”. I call them irritant coz they are not worthy enough of being called an enemy but trust me when I say this, I hate them like hell. These gnomes seem to have a divine right to scratch my body and make ugly marks on my smooth exterior. Yes, they are temporary marks but still I hate to look ugly even for a moment. I take absolute pleasure in the fact that these sticks get decimated and lose their existence in the process of creating these marks on me which I think is nature’s revenge for me. But they seem to reproduce exponentially. As soon as one of these loses its existence and becomes white granules, another comes up to take its place. They are a disdainful lot who deserve the utmost contempt from my exalted existence. They have colored cousins too who are only different in color to them. When it comes to their ability of scarring me, they are just as willing.


Giving these gnomes very tough competition for the dishonor of being called the “biggest irritant” are those two-footed, clothed animals which keep me company during most part of the day. The only reason they get booted to the 2nd position is because of a great service they offer me of which I will give a detailed explanation later. These hypocrites talk of equality and liberty in my presence, of caste and color having no importance, yet they have so ungracefully named me after the color of my exterior…*racists, all of them*…Coming back to these two footed animals, they are divided into two classes namely….1) those who sit with their backs to me who I have named “Maam-sir” and 2) those who sit with their faces to me who I have named “Boydent n Girldent”.


The ones who sit with their backs to me seldom sit actually. Most of the time they are a willing partner-in-crime to those gnomes in scratching my body and in addition to this crime they keep touching me with those tentacles of theirs…*perverts*…. However, I allow them this only coz they unknowingly offer me the thing which I crave for most but as I said “I’ll come back to that later”.

The ones who sit with their faces to me are far greater in quantity and much more interesting qualitatively. Of them I despise those the most who keep staring @ me unblinking with those two circular sockets at the top of their structures….*voyeurs*…. While their number is thankfully less, the act is despicable @ the least. The others however are far more entertaining. Some of them are amusing to the very core. From making all sorts of funny faces to sticking out a slimy parabolic structure from their mouth, from hurling objects @ each other to sometimes sticking their middle tentacle in the direction of the Maam-sirs, they do it all. Of course, they do this mostly when the Maam-sirs are busy scratching me but that’s besides the point. Some of the boydents keep staring @ the girldents and vice-versa….not that am feeling jealous here but are they more beautiful than me??? Neither are they as black as me nor do they have half as smooth an exterior as I have, but probably they are happy with staring @ less beautiful stuff. 


One reason that I like Boydents and Girldents is coz they sometimes engage in a sort of a game which gives infinite pleasure to me. I have named this game “Gnome-hurl”. Basically, in this game, the boydents and girldents hurl the “gnome” all over taking target practice @ each other. Ohhh!!! I tell you, its pure ecstasy seeing that irritant get thrown about @ will. My joy is unbridled when the gnome gets broken from its midriff…*poetic justice*…the least that it deserves in my view.


Let me now tell you about that great service which the two-footed animal offers to me. Unknowingly, they act as the linkage between me and my beloved. They are the unassuming facilitators of my love story. They are the ones who make my meeting with my beloved possible. The gnomes scratch me, the animals grope me but it’s my beloved who removes the scars. The “Scratch-remover” is what I have love-named him. I exist just to feel its touch on myself. When it comes in contact with me, not only does it remove my scars and scratches, but it completes me. Its touch is smooth and pleasant yet at the same time electric. My nights are never complete without it’s longing invading my thoughts. I endure those marks on my body only because they are the precursor to my rendezvous with my beloved.


That, in a nutshell, is my story.

P.S....This blackboard has had the fortunate/unfortunate honour of being stuck in an engineering classroom....hence "the middle tentacle showing" part...no offence meant to classrooms in general.

love, thy name is hilarity

“Love is a 4-letter word, it means nothing” is one of my more sarcasm laden retorts to "madly in love" souls n the "happily ever after" believers of this world. To be very honest, I am guilty of hypocrisy while uttering this but it just seems an oh-so-purrfect reply to the 21st century guys n gals who invariably believe in the bollywood inspired mumbo jumbo of “sacred bond” n “love begets sacrifice”.

A far more interesting and hilarious side topic of love today are “love–fights”. Bollywood songs have since decades engrained the concept of “roothna-mananaa” in our psyche. Unsurprisingly, all of us know the usual tricks of “mananaa” generally starting from a bouquet of artificial roses/a pack of “Celebrations” to accessories(preferably jewellery)/movie n dinner together. A sincere apology on the part of the guilty party may work (but it’s quite a rarity).

However, am much more interested in the “roothna” part of things coz its actually filled with a lot of ingenuity and make for some seriously rib tickling stuff. Bear in mind, of course, that I am not talking about the “why ddnt u pick up my call” or “you’re not taking out time for me these days” or “you seem to be very interested in the new boy/girl in college/workplace” type of bland and tasteless reasons. Rather, much more trivial n hilarious (the more the triviality, the better hilarity it causes) reasons are getting invented each passing day.

Below, I share some of the top of the chart reasons that I have had the fortune to come across…

N.B:- All of these are very much actual incidents and are in no way a figment of my sometimes quite vivid imagination...(tongue– in-cheek)

### A boy(very close friend of mine, mind you), fought with his (then present,now erstwhile) girlfriend on the phone coz she picked up his call on the fourth ring as opposed to the pre-determined limit of 2/3 rings... *beat that*

### A girl(an acquaintance/distant friend) fought with her still going strong boyfriend coz the poor soul forgot to buy chloromint for her... *silliness personified*

### A girl fought with her boyfriend for lingering slightly more than a desired time period (in her eyes) in the company of his male friends... *huh*

Aah…the trials n tribulations of modern day love birds… *avoid*

I would be very happy if someone takes the effort to share some more such hilarious reasons for a love fight...!!!

P.S...The incidents cited have purely been chosen depending on the degree of hilarity they exhibit and the 2:1 ratio of gals:boys in no way insinuates that womenkind find more silly reasons to fight...*peace*