Life No More

Shrouded in a mist

Clouded by fate

The sky of my dreams

is beyond the gate

Amidst the transparent hue

It gives me a view

Of the canvas I painted

Which somehow got tainted

Karoge Yaad To...

Prescript:-  

This is a follow up from Amit aka Hopeless Romantic's When Love Signed On A Blank Cheque ... Please give it a read before reading this...it definitely is worth your time.

For the lazy ones, here's a summary..... Garima and Nitin were to be married but on the night before the marriage Nitin was struck by a celebratory bullet which killed him. Garima is left to ponder on her cruel fate.

 

  

Shades Of Rain~~~Angst

There is something magnetically attractive between a heavy drizzle and a longing heart...they almost tend to coincide magically...some call it destiny while others call it nature's way of compassion. It will possibly be never ascertained whether the despair inside a throbbing fist sized organ has any remote connection with the encompassing sky giving vent to it's share of load but forever unto eternity the tale of a despairing heart will never be complete without a major mention of the skies tears.

Troughing Crest

It's been a so not good two days for me.....things have been bad, no things have been pure hellish. There is a problem which affects you and others, you have a solution too but you cannot implement it, it's not in your hands and the ones who can do not want to. They want to harp on the past, chisel the wounds over and again and give a new definition to life's trials.

This was my status message over the period @ Twitter "I finally understand how they feel who end life...it's still cowardice n I would never do it, yes but I understand"...yes, I was that disgusted with anything remotely called life.

Unclean Slate

And all this while I thought I was numb...how effing blind was I?
I am feeling-less, nothing affects me, I don't feel hurt, am a sponge ball who absorbs everything and never goes out of shape...huh...one upright middle finger to all those thoughts!!!

It pains, it hurts, it pierces the very shreds of the soul...It is my very existence. I breathe to hurt myself for every breath strikes a nail in the heart...I long to stand in front of the mirror and look myself in the eye.

Why can one not forget oneself...I so want to do it
Why is there no strength of will which can conquer self-knowledge
Why can't I wipe away myself from my memories...it would ease the passing

Night of the Living Dead

I take in deep breaths to ease the nerves

Yet I die more with each gulp

I am not ready to die yet

Yet not worthy of living either

This night heralds a new dawn

I start afresh with zilch hope

To live along with death

To die with every breath

Don't venture here at this hour

The night will make you cower

Curiosity though may kill you

Abhor you to breach the threshold

Rest though assured, the signpost will read

Welcome to the " night of the living dead "

Sepulchre

Seene mein dafan hai kuch khwaab
Ehsaason ke aanchal tale jo pale the
Par khwahish khilne ki na rang laayi kabhi,
Un khwaabon ka aaj janaza hai saja
Lo isko badhkle utha lo yaaron,
Chaar kaandhon ki hasrat hi reh gayi hai
Ho sake to ye aakhri armaan poora kar do,
Ret mein shaamil hone se pehle
Ehsaas taabeer ki karwa do yaaron

She lives...I die

The despairing truth about being lonely is that it makes you recount the worst portions of your life. Away from the discordant noises of life on a whole, one gets sucked into recalling and reliving those moments...I am feeling very lonely now, so you can very well guess what I am reliving... 
 

She was an angel...an innocent and pure soul untouched by the darkness and malaise of life, the very epitome of goodness, the monument of love itself. I did not help fall in love with her but surprisingly (and wrongly) she could not help but fall in love with me. What she saw in me, I will never know.....What she gave me I can never express. She changed life...happiness no more felt an alien being, love was no longer some abstract shit. The days were resplendent with the existence of her feelings...the nights with the soothness of her being. An angel who nurtured my soul and laid waste her dreams to wish me bliss.....yes, she had dreams in her eyes, dreams which she cared for, dreams which she lived for...Dreams which I shattered.

Aila...Yeh Kya Kiya:(

No, the Sachin patent lingo bug has not bitten me:D

Aila is the name of the super cyclone which paid Kolkata and it's neighboring districts a visit...and what a visit it was.
It was the proverbial "came like a hail, went like the wind" sort of visit leaving everyone reeling behind in it's wake.

Kolkata roads were suddenly all green as more than 1800 trees were uprooted, yes I repeat 1800.
Approximately 300 deers were washed away from the Sunderbans region...More than 35 reported deaths...thousands homeless with no roof over their heads...just a summarized description of the newspaper reports of the destruction, of what Aila gifted us...Of course, what they didn't report is that Aila gifted more, it gave countless tears, an uncertain future, mental trauma, lost loved ones and what else not.

.....

What's with this weather mirroring my inner self...is this a way by Allah to tell me am not alone in this despair...is the whole city masked in a gloomy sky to make me not feel unwanted...does the storm rage out there to make me feel less despaired...are the trees crouching about to tell me am not the only one afraid...if that is so, I thank you Lord for this generosity but to tell you frankly, even all this is not working.

The senses are still dead...numb is still what I am.
I still cannot feel the drops of rain on my face
The strong billowing wind still does not sting the eyes
I still don't know why this is so
I still don't know why I am "Comfortably Numb"
Am not comfortable though...and yet I do not mind this
There is a certain magnetism in this state...it is appealing and alluring
It pulls me ever so close to it...and I can not help but get drawn to it
I wonder whether this is a choice I unwittingly made
I wonder whether I sort of like this
Tough questions all of these...no answers to them
None that I know of at least

There Will Be Blood...

A glass of red wine in his hand and a cigarette between his lips, he was lost in a reverie...of moments spent together under the night sky...of waking up and watching the red of the new dawn in embrace...of bare foot walks on unnamed beaches hand in hand...of the incessant whispering of those inane sweet nothings...of the crimson red of the blush which formed on her cheeks when he praised her beauty...of that dazzling red gown which he had gifted her on their first anniversary...of that breathtaking sight which she was in that gown...of that first night together in the throes of passion...of those countless bunch of red roses which he always brought for her...of the red of the blood which oozed from her hand when she pricked a thorn...of those promises made of togetherness forever...of protecting the flame in face of thunder...of keeping the flame of love alive forever.

Broken Desires

"Hello!!!"

"Hi...ssup?"

"Not much...how's the party going?"

"Good...yes, its going good."

(long pause)

"So...why didn't u come?"

"I had some work...sorry couldn't make it."

"You know you cannot lie na?"

"You know why I didn't come."
"Yes...you've been avoiding me off late."

"No...I'm trying to make things as they should be."

"Why can things not be how I want them to be?"

"Coz u deserve better."

"And who are you to decide what I deserve?"

"A friend...I think."

"Friends do not hurt each other..."

"Yes...but they do warn each other of wrong choices."

"Why the hell is my choice wrong?"

"Coz you desire something which you cannot have."

"Why is it so?"

"Because it is not within me to give you....it does not exist."

"I refuse to believe that it does not exist..."
"It did once..it does no more!!!"

Rest In Peace...

And so she passed away...hopefully, to Rest In Peace.
Allah unke rooh ko jannat bakhshe...Aameen!!!

P.S. Going away from Calcutta for about a week...will not have access to the internet, so won't be able to visit all your spaces.
Take care, all of ya...bubye:)

Plea for prayer

My youngest aunt on my mother's side is ill...very ill in fact. She's been so for the last two and a half years...pretty much everything that could be done has been done but to no avail. Not one single doctor could definitely ascertain as to what her illness is though most of them have taken a calculated guess and proclaimed it to be the dreaded C word. Medication has hardly helped and her condition has continued to deteriorate over time. There was a phase of about 4/5 months when it seemed to work and hopes of a recovery had enlighted but only to come crashing down again. Since the last 6 months not only every semblance of improvement disappeared but there has been rapid deterioration so much so that 3 days back we got a call in which the words "last stage" were mentioned. My mom and sister have gone off there to be with her. The news, though, trickling in is still bad...it's getting worse.

"Deciphering Myself"...says Love.

As I sit down to write this today...I am in a deep quandary, you see I don't know who or what I am, I am facing this massive identity crisis if i may so call it... To be fair, I was always a little abstract when it came to definitions and explanations and it sort of even made me feel proud...I mean it is a definite ego booster that even the combined intelligence of all humankind which has unraveled many a mystery and deciphered many a puzzle could not definitely conclude as regards my entity.

We, the people...

Today is the 26th day of January, the Republic Day of our country...59 years ago on this date we framed our constitution proudly proclaiming ourselves to be a secular, democratic and free minded nation...a nation where there was freedom of speech and liberty of thoughts...together we pledged to uphold the virtues imbibed in our constitution and abide by it steadfastly.

"Ek Lau Is Tarah"

Gardishon mein rehti...Behti guzarti

Zindagiyaan hain kitni
In mein se ek hai...Teri meri agni

Koi ek jaisi apni

Par khuda khair kar...Aisa anjaam kisi rooh ko
Na de kabhi yahan
Ghuncha muskurata ek...Waqt se pehle
Kyun chod chala...Tera ye jahan
Ek lau is tarah kyun bujhi mere maula
Ek lau zindagi ki maula

Mindless Mayhem!!!

As I sit down to write this, its been more than 42 hours since that first crack of lightning which left a destructive trail in its wake…a trail which is yet to be fully uncovered…a destruction which is yet to be fully comprehended…125 killed, more than 300 injured is what the official count has been put at but trust me when I say this…they have wreaked more havoc this time round. They have killed more than 125 innocent human lives…this time they have killed many an onlooker who will forever live with the memory of such mindless terror…they have injured the soul of every Indian who will forever unsuccessfully grapple with such incomprehensible rage…what can one do in the face of such inhumanity…how do you explain the actions of such individuals, let alone justify them…what could their motivations be except for incorrigible rage…

Eyes of Truth

Why is the world full of crap?
What's stopping it from going and taking a hike?
Why couldn't I laugh at those jokes...were they really inane or am I full of shit? (why the fuck does this word keep coming back to me)
Why the hell am I typing all this shit? (there, it comes up again)....I should know right, but I bloody well don't or maybe I don't wanna acknowledge that I know...whatever, how the bloody hell does it matter?
One fucked up piece of crap I am, I guess.Period!!!

P.S. If anyone has the unfortunate experience of reading this, please try and pardon my language...this is just a purely unadulterated rant....On second thoughts, don't pardon coz I dun deserve it and frankly, dun even care.

P.P.S. Haven't been visiting all your blogs...try and pardon me for that instead, I really care about that.

Unveiling "POLITRICKS"

As much as I would try and make myself believe that things don't affect me, that the happenings around pass by me in a blur, that my daily newspaper reading/news watching is mechanical...that I am comfortably numb:D , alas it's not so...yes, I get affected too, I too feel the pain and anguish that most of you do and in fact I am neither comfortable nor numb. I too have an opinion on the going ons in this beloved land of mine and I am going to put forth that too...purely as it is, unadulterated, straight from the heart.
I have a new space for this...purely coz this proposition deserves it's individual space...so I present to you "POLITRICKS" , yes, it's not politics for me....there is only trickery and deceit in this land going around in the name of politics.