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~~~A year less to live...wonder whether it's a good or a bad thing~~~

Troughing Crest

It's been a so not good two days for me.....things have been bad, no things have been pure hellish. There is a problem which affects you and others, you have a solution too but you cannot implement it, it's not in your hands and the ones who can do not want to. They want to harp on the past, chisel the wounds over and again and give a new definition to life's trials.

This was my status message over the period @ Twitter "I finally understand how they feel who end life...it's still cowardice n I would never do it, yes but I understand"...yes, I was that disgusted with anything remotely called life.

Honestly Yours...

Heena awarded me the "Honest Scrap" award some days back.....so sweet of her:)

The award comes with a rider, you have to list 10 truths about yourself before you can accept the award.....so not sweet of her:P



Did an extended version of this tag long back but as Heena says this makes for a "free fokat ka blog post" and considering my ineptitude with words these days, this is too good a chance to pass by:D
And the icing is of course that I get to tag 10 of you after I finish this:P

Unclean Slate

And all this while I thought I was numb...how effing blind was I?
I am feeling-less, nothing affects me, I don't feel hurt, am a sponge ball who absorbs everything and never goes out of shape...huh...one upright middle finger to all those thoughts!!!

It pains, it hurts, it pierces the very shreds of the soul...It is my very existence. I breathe to hurt myself for every breath strikes a nail in the heart...I long to stand in front of the mirror and look myself in the eye.

Why can one not forget oneself...I so want to do it
Why is there no strength of will which can conquer self-knowledge
Why can't I wipe away myself from my memories...it would ease the passing

Sepulchre's Threat

And so I return to Blogosphere after Sepulchre threatened to block my entry forever if I did not revert the permission thingy back to normal.

Those of you who visited this link last week would know what am talking about.

For those who didn't the story goes like this...I was looking to make a couple of changes to the tempy of this page and so I temporarily made the blog permission driven, now that was fine coz I had only intended to take about a couple of hours at max to get the changes in the tempy done. What I had not bargained for though was that I would get embroiled in some other work which needed attention urgently and a new project which needed some time...So as a result Sepulchre got neglected and horrifyingly remained permission driven for almost a week without anyone being able to access the page.

The Last Laugh

I abused the skies, insulted them and gestured rudely...they tried ignoring me and did so for quite some time but I finally broke through their defenses.....they opened their mouth and hurled the choicest of abuses back at me, which of course were in the form of rains.

I'd got what I wanted, had tricked the skies into giving me this gift, had that smug looking grin on my face.

It poured and roared and brimming with joy I got drenched, conversed with the rain drops, played with the wind, the troubles wiped off momentarily, felt clean and pure again, felt happy, found bliss.

And then.... I fell sick, running fever and headache:(

The skies had had their revenge.....it was me who was tricked:P

And yet I don't mind at all, it's a price I gladly pay...and so the skies may think they had the last laugh but you just can't wipe off this contented smile from my face anytime soon:)

The magic shall always be

Today was the last time The Famous Five painted the town red probably for a long time...day after tomorrow we split officially with one member leaving for Delhi and another leaving for Chennai the next day. Time will surely bring us together again or it may choose not to but even time cannot deny that it's been one amazing journey...a journey which lasted for five glorious years and which was filled with fun, frolic and and a lot of joy, with a dash of trivial fights and heated arguments.

So Spake Saim

The rising heat levels is directly proportional to the soaring lethargicity and no, I don't care one hoot whether lethargicity is a word or not.

Clickety Click

A combination of being a bit busy and a lot lazy coupled with a sort of a writer's block has seen me neglecting this space the past week...add that with the fact that I have hardly read a couple of posts from my blogroll in the past week and you would get a complete picture of the sort of detachment I have been experiencing...but they say "Old habits die hard" and so here I am, back again.

Albeit this post is only a pictorial view of the 2 day trip which I took last weekend but then it's a post, ain't it and that I suppose is good enough for now:D

Sepulchre

Seene mein dafan hai kuch khwaab
Ehsaason ke aanchal tale jo pale the
Par khwahish khilne ki na rang laayi kabhi,
Un khwaabon ka aaj janaza hai saja
Lo isko badhkle utha lo yaaron,
Chaar kaandhon ki hasrat hi reh gayi hai
Ho sake to ye aakhri armaan poora kar do,
Ret mein shaamil hone se pehle
Ehsaas taabeer ki karwa do yaaron

.....

What's with this weather mirroring my inner self...is this a way by Allah to tell me am not alone in this despair...is the whole city masked in a gloomy sky to make me not feel unwanted...does the storm rage out there to make me feel less despaired...are the trees crouching about to tell me am not the only one afraid...if that is so, I thank you Lord for this generosity but to tell you frankly, even all this is not working.

The senses are still dead...numb is still what I am.
I still cannot feel the drops of rain on my face
The strong billowing wind still does not sting the eyes
I still don't know why this is so
I still don't know why I am "Comfortably Numb"
Am not comfortable though...and yet I do not mind this
There is a certain magnetism in this state...it is appealing and alluring
It pulls me ever so close to it...and I can not help but get drawn to it
I wonder whether this is a choice I unwittingly made
I wonder whether I sort of like this
Tough questions all of these...no answers to them
None that I know of at least

Of awards and poetry

I have been awarded...not once, not twice but abso-brilliant-lutely three wonderful times...all in one single go:)

By whom....u ask?
As if you don't know...the pink orchid blooms across the length and breadth of blogsville and her petals adorn most corners:)
If you still haven't got it...the wondrest of wonderful souls who has bestowed this tremendous honor on moi is Kajal aka The Pink Orchid:)

V-day:)

It's V-DAY out here today in Kolkata...not Valentine's Day u mushy dumbos:D, it's voting day...the last phase of the biggest democratic exercise world over takes place today and am all set to exercise my franchise...Nopes, it's not the "Jaagore" effect, I was very much awake before they came up knocking to wake up offering tea...I refused, had they been offering Cappuccino, maybe I would have been tempted to attribute my awakening to their campaign:D

Ammi...

Gave me life

Brought me in this world

Held my hand

Taught me to walk

Wiping the tears

You have taught me to smile

When the world was dark

You were my light

By your side

I faced my fears

In your lap

Fell my tears

You are the strength

When I am down

Yours is the hope

Which is all abound

Dedicated to the best mother in the world
Have I told you lately, that I love you Ammi:)

Me Taliban

I belong to the Taliban and I am a Talib.....says who? Says Honorable Supreme Court Justice Markandey Katju.

Oh did he...I guess he must have strong valid reasons, right? Well, he does have a reason, yes.

Gosh...so you guys have infiltrated into Indian mainland, you must be a spy, right...what else would you be in India for? Hmm...I've always been in India, you see, I was born here, have been brought up here, studied here (though we hardly study in engineering colleges:D), intend to work here too if a certain IT major does not forget me...ohh n btw, I love India too but that I suppose is besides the point.

SummerNova

Of early mornings, sweltering noons and welcome evenings

Of languid baths, baked pancakes of faces and cold water face washes

Of kacche aam ki sharbat, aerated soft drinks and just about anything liquid

Of wishing classes got over early and rushing back for basketball sessions

Of Chutti Chutti, Jungle Book and Alif Laila

Of Ducktales, Chandrakanta and Chitrahaar

Of power cuts, shadow games and spook stories in the dark

Of Antaksharis and Dumb Charades

Of holiday homework and planning pranks

Of Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew and Famous Five

Of visits to the village and reunion with cousins

Of days spent in the playground with illusions of greatness

Of nights spent on the terrace making patterns in the sky

Rest In Peace...

And so she passed away...hopefully, to Rest In Peace.
Allah unke rooh ko jannat bakhshe...Aameen!!!

P.S. Going away from Calcutta for about a week...will not have access to the internet, so won't be able to visit all your spaces.
Take care, all of ya...bubye:)

Unravelling Love-strickness

A drop of love is what everyone lusts for

An ocean of grief is what they get

A badder bargain there never will be

And yet everyone falls for it

Are people so stupid that they cannot comprehend this uneven barter of emotions?

Plea for prayer

My youngest aunt on my mother's side is ill...very ill in fact. She's been so for the last two and a half years...pretty much everything that could be done has been done but to no avail. Not one single doctor could definitely ascertain as to what her illness is though most of them have taken a calculated guess and proclaimed it to be the dreaded C word. Medication has hardly helped and her condition has continued to deteriorate over time. There was a phase of about 4/5 months when it seemed to work and hopes of a recovery had enlighted but only to come crashing down again. Since the last 6 months not only every semblance of improvement disappeared but there has been rapid deterioration so much so that 3 days back we got a call in which the words "last stage" were mentioned. My mom and sister have gone off there to be with her. The news, though, trickling in is still bad...it's getting worse.

50 and counting...

One fine hot summer day in May, a visibly bored yours truly was browsing through communities on dear Orkut randomly hopping from one to the other with absolutely no end purpose...then in one of those random communities (dun even remember which 1), in the members section a face was spotted...a photoshopped hazy picture which did not hide the fact that the face was actually quite captivating:D (dun know whether the picture was made hazy to hide that fact or not)...but naturally yours truly reached that profile and among other things found a hyperlink with a funny name beside the "webpage" option...curios me could not resist and in the blink of an eye the hyperlink was clicked...redirected to a new page and voila...the enchanting blogosphere was discovered, rather stumbled upon...